


Bridges

by Collective_Anno



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Depression, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Other, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Transphobia, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27516394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Collective_Anno/pseuds/Collective_Anno
Summary: Alex, a human trainwreck, is about to end it all, but a chance encounter may just change everything they have ever known.Follow this wreck of an enby as they discover that life might be something more than just pain and loneliness.All characters belong to me- do not use without permissionMore tags to be added later
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	1. So Far Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting on here, please comment thoughts! I'm always looking to improve :)

It was a cold evening on that fateful day, wind buffeting strangers as its howl mingled with the sound of cars passing by. Dark clouds to the west promised rain as they chased away those few dim stars that dared peak through the deep blue while the sun still traced the land. They can’t say they’d miss those fluttering rays of that dying ball of fire so far away, nor would they miss these chilled winds, or the foam from the water that lapped up against the sandy bank below.  
  
The lights of downtown San Fierro lit up the darkness that settled on the horizon to Alex’s left. All that light, all those people, all those chances never taken, they did nothing but add to the monotonous grey that seemed to drive itself home in their skin. Tonight the sky was ablaze with red and pink from the sun's last whisper, and soon too would be the rushing water. Alex could already feel it, the breathtaking cold of the water and the sharp impact of rocks that waited at the bed, like the teeth of the darkness they all loved so dearly.  
  
Even with all the melancholic drama taking place behind their eyes, all Alex could really think about was how cold it was up here on the bridge. A part of them wanted to go back and take their jacket from that brat on the street they decided to give it to, but it was quickly swept away like how many of their thoughts were lately. The kid would get more use out of it than a homebody like Alex ever could have anyway.  
  
The sight must have been pretty telling. A single person, dressed in tattered night clothes without even a coat to protect them from the wind’s lashing tongue, sitting up on the railing of one of the biggest bridges in the area. Maybe, if you ignored the ashen skin and sunken eyes on their face, you could believe that Alex was merely watching the stars as they were scattered across the inky blackness so far up. That might have been true, if they could even see them. Eyes glassy from crying and vision blurred from fatigue, it was too exhausting of a task to try and focus on something so small. Heh, wouldn’t Alex know a lot about that.  
  
A breathless chuckle floated into the damp air, chased by a tired sigh from chapped lips, either only lasting as long as the sting of feelings that brought it. Just like the vapor of their breath, soon too would everything disappear into nothingness. That was it, with one last look at the fading lights over the bridge, the last look at-  
  
“Hey, Lady?” a small voice called from a few steps off, the wind making it barely a whisper- or maybe that was the rushing of blood in Alex’s ears. They peaked to the side, barely turning their head to see the small figure nervously wringing their hands out. The jacket too large on their thin frame fluttered as the figure, a young boy it seems, raised his hand out.  
  
“Hi, uh, you um… you gave me your jacket a few streets back and uh- I just,” The tan-skinned kid shifted uncomfortably under Alex’s hollow gaze, “I just wanted to thank you.”  
  
There was a drawn-out beat of silence before Alex realized the other was waiting for a response.  
“Uh, yeah. No problem…”  
  
The boy's hand fell when he realized Alex wasn’t much for introductions.  
  
“Well, I’m not sure what you were doing out here on the bridge, but uh, my Baa always says that no action should go unnoticed, so I was wondering if you’d, uh… If you would want to have dinner with us?” The boy's little speech was fading in and out for Alex, but they got the gist of it, and their stomach sure did understand. It clenched painfully at the thought of a warm meal, strangers or not.  
  
“I know it must be weird, y’know, some kid you barely met goes ‘Hey wanna go have dinner with me and my Baa?’ but uh, Baa made my favorite and you uh… you looked like you could use some…” The kid started, thinking that what they said might have offended Alex.  
  
“I didn’t mean that uh, that you’re-” He was cut off as Alex threw their legs over the railing, finally facing the kid.  
  
“Yeah, I got it kid, stop trying to explain.”  
  
He cringed, screwing up his face and looking away. Alex stood for a moment, looking over the kid. He was small, probably only 10, and his own ratty clothes were covered in Alex’s much larger jacket. Well, it was basically his now, but either way, he looked pathetic like that, curled into himself and sad.  
  
Alex left another sigh pass, this one considerably more warm than the last. “Fine kid. I’ll have dinner with you and your uh, ‘Baa?’ Name’s Alex, by the way.” The kid was absolutely beaming at this. Alex almost immediately regretted agreeing to this.  
  
“My name’s Eachann! I think we’re gonna be good friends!” He turned and almost skipped down the bridge towards the city. “Yeah kid, I’m sure we will.”  
  
* * * * *  
  
The walk back was considerably nicer than the walk up the bridge. The wind seemed to have calmed in its tirade, though its bite was as chilled as ever. It probably wasn’t healthy that Alex wasn’t even shivering. They might tell you it’s because they don’t mind the cold, but don’t be fooled.  
  
The kid, Eachann, slowed in his walk so they could catch up.  
  
“Are you okay? You look cold. Do you want your jacket back?” He rushed out, grabbing the edge of the coat, ready to pull it off but hesitant all the while.  
  
“Calm down kid, I’m okay. It’s not even that cold.” It was freezing.  
  
“And stop calling me a kid, I’m almost eleven!” Eachann jumped in front of Alex, fists closed and close to his chest, still walking backwards. Alex almost wanted to ruffle his abnormally blond hair at that.  
  
“Sure, whatever. Where are we going anyway? Like what street?”  
  
“Oh! Well from here we go down Fourth, take a left on Blackburry, then you- hey!” Eachann was cut off abruptly as Alex grabbed his wrist and yanked him to the side.  
  
“Look where you’re goin’ kid!” Alex exclaimed, pulling the boy right out of the way of a cyclist that came speeding around the corner.  
  
“Watch it fucker!” Alex flipped off the dude who didn’t even look back.  
  
Everyone else walking around them didn’t bat an eye at the outburst, but Eachann looked up at Alex with wide eyes.  
  
“Miss Alex, what’s that mean?”  
  
“Oh- uh… Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“But what-”  
  
“So what’s this Baa of yours making anyway? Nuggets or something? You said it was your favorite.” A quick change of the subject had the kid forgetting all about their little incident.  
  
“Oh! Oh it’s spaghetti and roast! It’s my favorite. Baa makes the best sauce ever!”  
  
The two went on, walking down Fourth and taking a right on Blackburry, until finally they arrived. They stood outside a towering brick apartment complex, windows dusty and the door on its last hinges. The steps up to the main opening were chipped and the foundation looked cracked and faulty at best. It was exactly like every other building in this part of town, if not in better condition than most.  
  
The sun had almost completely set by this point, leaving only the sickly yellow light of the overhead lamps to guide them in, past the tired looking receptionist, and up a good few flights of stairs. They stopped on the third floor and made it to one of the many identical white doors, this one’s paint was peeling off just the same as the others.  
  
Eachann took out a key on a chain he had hidden under his shirt and stuck it in the rusted lock. After a few twists and the resounding thunk of the bolt, he reached up and opened the door. Inside was what most would have expected; scratched hardwood floors, cheap green wallpaper slowly revealing the white sheetrock behind it, and a worn leather couch against the far wall. The smell of tomato and roasted meat spilled out into the hallway, making their stomach clench. At least the inside was much warmer than outside, maybe Alex would gain a little color back in their lips before losing it all over again when they had to leave.  
  
Eachann entered, wasting no time in discarding Alex’s old jacket on the kitchen counter to the right of the door and slipping off his muddy shoes. Alex stood there at the door, unsure whether they were really being invited in or not.  
  
Footsteps, much heavier than Eachann’s, thudded against the wood towards the living space. A woman, not much older than Alex, stepped out from the hallway opposite the front door, eyes trained on Eachann.  
  
“Eachann! Where were you? I told you to be back before the sun set!” Her eyes then trailed to where Alex stood.  
  
“And who is this? You know better than to talk to strangers.”  
  
“Baa, it’s okay! Miss Alex is nice! I brought her to have dinner with us.” This woman, Echann’s Baa apparently, furrowed her eyebrows at Alex, but her face loosened when she saw Eachann’s pleading face. She sighed, turning back to Alex now.  
  
“Well, Alex was it?” She held out her hand,  
  
“My name is Jennifer Young, and it seems you’ve already met Eachann. I’m sorry if my boy dragged you here, he has a tendency to bring strangers in with the promise of food. I’m afraid I can’t give you any though.”  
  
Alex stared at the hand in front of them for a second before it clicked that they were supposed to shake it. With lethargic movement, they brought up their hand for a light shake. The warmth of Jennifer’s palm was almost like fire against Alex’s icey skin.  
  
“It’s alright, wasn’t really expecting anything anyway.” Alex pulled back their hand, ready to turn and flee from these people. They were too homely for Alex’s taste.  
  
“Well, it was nice meeting you Miss Alex. Have a good night.” With that, Alex took a step back and out of the apartment, and the door was shut tight, taking with it the smell of comfort and the warmth of someone else. They were once again alone and left out in the cold.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The walk back to Alex’s own apartment was much more uncomfortable, especially without their jacket or a kid to distract them from the oppressive silence that rang between their ears. People passed them by in a blur, merely a streak of dull color through the ghostly light of the streetlamps.  
  
Alex’s apartment, unlike Jennifer and Eachann’s, really was falling apart at the seams. There was no door on the front, letting in a cold draft, and the stairs were flights of a glorified fire escape. The carpet of the hallway was musty and stained from ages of abuse, and most of the doors didn’t close properly. The residents here were lucky that the roof hadn’t caved in yet.  
  
Alex stopped in front of their door, it wasn’t nearly as inviting.  
  
The door creaked open under their chilled hand, the smell of old takeout and water damage surrounded Alex like a familiar blanket. They stepped in, throwing off their sneakers at the door and hurried across the room to where their bed stood as the only surface not covered in scrap paper and mysterious stains. Jumping into the covers they never thought they would see again, they wrapped themselves into a cocoon of grey and blue.  
  
Today was a trip. One minute you think you’re about to end your suffering, and the next you’re being invited for dinner with strangers. Even if they went to bed hungry again, they guessed it was the thought that counted? Something like that.  
  
Alex heaved a sigh. Welp. Another day of shit it seemed. Maybe they’ll go back up to the bridge tomorrow night, hopefully without any interruptions this time. Alex could almost miss that kid, but better to dispose of the trash before Alex could warp him into something terrible. With that thought, Alex drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Charity Case

The next evening was just as cold as the one before, but at least the water below seemed a little more friendly and the wind a little less harsh.  
  
Alex was back on the bridge again. After sleeping through the entire day they shouldn’t feel as exhausted as they do, but that little bit of human interaction they had the night before seemed to have drained them to the bone.  
  
Up on the bridge, even with cars speeding past at all times of day, everything always seemed calmer, more detached from the world. Up here, it was only Alex, the sky, and the rocks that lurked at the bottom of the river. Alex leaned against the railing, looking up. Tonight the sky was clouded, with not a star to be seen.  
  
The sun was just starting to disappear behind the horizon when someone cleared their throat from behind Alex.  
  
“Excuse me, Miss Alex? Is that you?” It was that kid’s mom, Jennifer.  
  
“Oh- uh, hello.”  
  
“Hello.” She smiled at them. She was holding a container of what was probably her dinner. Why she was out there with it was a mystery though.  
  
“Eachann told me he had found you up here, and I was hoping to catch you. I’m sorry about rushing you out last night, but I just wasn’t expecting anybody and-”  
  
“Hey, it’s okay. I was uninvited.”  
  
“-well, you seemed nice enough and, to be honest, looked like you could benefit from adding a few pounds- no offense- so I came hoping to give you this!” Jennifer rushed out her explanation, now holding out that container to Alex.  
  
They were stunned. This person came out looking for them? To give them something?  
  
What, did they look like a charity case or something? They didn’t need to gain weight, nor did they need someone else’s leftovers! Their eyebrows furrowed and they had to restrain themself from chucking the container into the river below. Reeling in their anger they knew Jennifer didn’t deserve, they took the container from her outstretched hand.  
  
“Oh, thanks.” Alex seethed out. “But I’m no charity case.”  
  
“I never said you were. This is my apology for being rude last night.” She explained. “And I added a few extra chunks of meat in there to, y’know, sweeten the deal.”  
  
Jennifer added in a wink when she said that, and Alex would swear up and down that it was the wind chill that made them flush.  
  
“Well, I should get going, don’t want to leave Eachann alone for too long. See ya!” and with that, she turned and jogged back towards the glowing lights of the city.  
  
Alex stood there conflicted, holding the container of lukewarm food. Looking down at it they finally noticed something written on a piece of tape attached to the lid. It was a phone number, Jennifer’s probably. Alex flushed even more. Why had she given them her phone number? Was this some sort of proposition, or just a weird way of saying sorry? Did Jennifer even mean to do it? Maybe it was an accident.  
  
Thoughts sped through their head so fast it almost made them lightheaded. Or maybe that was all the blood rushing to their face. Either way, Jennifer was the cause of it and Alex was not a fan. The walk home later that night was full of conflicting thoughts and strange emotions.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Alex ate the spaghetti right out of the container silently on their bed, careful to not spill any of the sauce. It was good, unsurprisingly, and there were quite a few chunks of meat like Jennifer had promised. The thought of their previous interaction almost made them flush again, but they beat down the feeling, calling it stupid and unreasonable.  
  
Alex looked at the discarded lid to their right, staring at the numbers written on it as if it were a foreign language. Should they text her? Was it too early for that? Was it even her number at all, and if so would she even answer? Was she waiting for Alex to text her, or did she do this on a whim?  
  
They were getting lost in their own thoughts again. This could never end well.  
  
Alex shook their head decisively and shoved another forkful of pasta into their mouth.  
  
They decided that, fuck it, they might as well go ahead and message them while they had a smidge of confidence. Reaching over, they snatched up their phone, a busted old second-hand thing they got cheap at a pawn shop. They turned it on and hesitantly opened their contact list, it held only the essentials; their dealer in case they needed to get away from it all, the nearby Pizza Hut, their mom’s cell, and the number of the nursing home their mom lived in. They hated that damn nursing home, but at least they took good care of Mom, she deserved the best when Alex wasn’t there.  
  
Punching in the number, they hovered over the text button. Was this a mistake? Probably. Was Alex going to do it anyway? .... Yes.  
  
Tapping on the buttons with more force than necessary, they typed out a simple “hey its alex” and hit send before they could chicken out. God this was a mistake, they regretted this already. They chucked the phone onto the other side of the bed before the message even had time to fully send and pulled the worn blanket over their head just wishing to disappear into the mattress.  
  
What were they thinking? It was like, two in the morning, and they were texting a person they barely knew! What a stupid idiot dumb fucking-  
  
Their phone buzzed.  
  
They peaked out from under the blanket. This can’t be a reply. It was probably just some app Alex forgot they had bugging them to spend real money on their stupid little game.  
  
The phone buzzed again.  
  
Okay, now that, that had to be a reply. Why was Jennifer still awake? She should have gone to sleep right after getting home from the bridge, why stay up? Was she waiting for Alex’s text? Certainly not, why would she? It’s stupid to think someone would ever stay up to talk to them, but maybe…. A teeny tiny part of Alex warmed at the thought that maybe, a giant, improbable maybe, someone wanted to talk to them.  
  
Leaning over and almost falling on their side, Alex grabbed their castaway phone, opening their intricate lock by muscle memory. The messenger app had a tiny red dot on the icon, and it stared at Alex like the eye of some evil creature waiting to infect them with some toxin to which there was no cure.  
  
Almost in an attempt to just get rid of that horrid dot, they opened their messages. There it was. Two texts from an unsaved contact.  
  
“Hey Alex!”  
  
“It’s Jennifer btw, but you probably already knew that lol”  
  
Alex’s heartbeat was going a mile a minute, it’s like they had just been shot, except less painful… but only slightly. Alex’s heart clenched at the memory.  
  
They stared at the screen for what felt like hours, the edges of their vision seemed to tunnel the longer they looked. This can’t be real. Whatever dream they must be having was playing with them.  
  
Deciding that whatever these emotions were that they were feeling could be dealt with later, they set aside their phone and picked up the tub of forgotten pasta. It had gone cold by the time they got home to their apartment, but it was still good.  
  
Savoring the last few bites, Alex placed the container on their bedside table. They would have to wash and return it to Jennifer soon. Maybe tomorrow- or later today it seems, glancing at the digital clock that mockingly shone the numbers 2:15.  
  
Covering themself in their comforter, Alex could tell that tonight was going to be sleepless with lots of tossing and turning. With nothing to distract them, those damn intrusive thoughts could drag their raggedy-ass across Alex’s mind, and with all that had been going on lately, they had more to worry about than ever. One could only hope that sleep would take them before it got too bad.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The next morning Alex woke up with the sun in their eyes, even more tired than when they went to sleep. Surprisingly, they woke up when the sun was at its highest point, instead of in the late afternoon. The grubby curtains covering the window opposite their bed was cracked in just the right way that a beam of unholy light shone right on Alex’s face. Alex wanted to just turn over in their bed and hide their head under the covers, but they had an obligation today.  
  
Rising like a freshly buried zombie, Alex slowly got out of bed and shambled into their small bathroom. Looking into their dusty mirror was like looking into a portal, with some stranger staring back at them. Ratty, unkempt brown hair, and grey eyes with bags so large you’d think they were packing for a year-long trip. Then there was that stupid lip ring Alex got when they were younger, stuck right there on the right side of their lip. Who even knows why they got it in the first place, or why only one instead of the usual two. It was probably the remnants of their rebellious teenage years when standing out was the most important thing at the time. Now, standing out was something Alex in no way wanted. Standing out meant attention, and attention meant trouble. Alex was in no way equipped to deal with anything of the sort.  
  
Then why not get rid of the stupid thing? Who knows. Maybe it was because it was one of the few things they still had from their younger years, even if it was a stupid little thing. So, so many stupid little things.  
  
That doesn’t matter now though. What mattered this very minute is being able to look presentable. They needed to return that container, and hopefully make a better impression than they did the last few times Alex and Jennifer have met. Maybe they’ll get to see Eachann again too.  
  
Why does any of that matter? Why the need to look good? It’s not like they’ll see the two any more after this, they have no reason to! Guess last impressions are just as important as first ones. Leave ‘em with a good taste in their mouth, so to speak.  
  
… Okay that just sounds weird. Speaking is not their strong suit.  
  
Anyway, that’s beside the point.  
  
Running their hand through their hair, trying to tame the greasy strands, they turned away from the mirror and stepped out of the bathroom. That was enough reflecting for today.  
  
Throwing on some mismatched clothes that smelled clean enough, they were out the door with nothing but the container in hand- and a knife in their pocket but that wasn’t important. Okay, let’s get this over with. Straight to Jennifer and Eachann’s apartment to return the tub, then straight home. No distraction.


	3. Chance

So that was a fucking lie.  
  
The smell of freshly brewed coffee hung in the air, the chatter of customers and employees mingling around created a nice blanket of white noise that spread over Alex. They would usually be pulling out their hair with so many people around, but there was something about this specific coffee shop that made them feel a little more at home. This little table facing the door on the other end of the shop, right on the edge of a large window, was their little piece of home that no one else could have.  
  
Alex could only faintly remember what home was. Soft shag carpet, big windows to let in all the natural light, and there was always the faint smell of coffee and something cooking - usually gumbo; it was their favorite as a child, and still is. Too bad they can’t ever make it, they had the recipe and everything, straight from the source. Mom had written it out for Alex when they first moved out.  
  
Speaking of Mom, they should check in on her, although her carer would probably be the one to answer the phone. She was a piece of shit, always talking to both of them and Mom like they were idiots who couldn’t take care of themselves. Well, Mom couldn’t, but that doesn’t mean she can talk to her like that.  
  
Alex whipped out their phone and opened the messenger app again. The first thing they saw were the messages Jennifer had sent them. Alex’s chest tightened as they read them over again and again. Maybe while they’re at it, they could ask Jennifer to meet up with them- to deliver the tub that sat to their left of course. Nothing else.  
  
But then that would mean that she’d probably have to leave her apartment and walk all the way to wherever they would meet, and Alex didn’t want to feel the guilt of that. Well, then again, Jennifer could already be out and about. Hmm…  
  
As Alex typed out a small message asking if Jennifer was free to meet up, the bell on the door jingled once again. Alex happened to glance up and look around at the sound, and was surprised to meet the eyes of, who’d have guessed, Jennifer.  
  
Alex’s eyes widen in surprise as they watch Jennifer walk over to them. Why was Jennifer here? To get coffee dumbass, why else? I don’t know, maybe she was getting a muffin? They’re to die for! …Shut up.  
  
“Hey Alex! Wasn’t expecting to see you here. How’ve you been?” She was casual in her approach, unaware of Alex’s unease. Who was she to talk to Alex like the two of them were all buddy buddy? They barely even knew each other!  
  
But why was Alex getting angry? This was just a person trying to be nice, they probably didn’t even want to be around Alex, and were just sitting there with them in an attempt to be civil.  
  
“Oh, hey, Jennifer. Yeah I’ve been okay.”  
  
“That’s good to hear! How was the pasta by the way? Did you like it?” Jennifer put her elbow up on the small table between them, head resting on their palm as she looked at Alex with those big ocean blue eyes  
  
“Uh, yeah- yeah it was good. Thanks, by the way. And oh, here. Here’s your uh, thing back.” Alex nudged the container towards her, and she took it up in her hand.  
  
“You even cleaned it! How sweet of you.” She smiled at Alex, and it’d be a lie to say that Alex didn’t think it made something in themself jolt. They can’t let somebody like this get too close, this was dangerous. No one can ever get close, it’ll always end badly. Alex internally winced as their mind grazed such a sensitive memory.  
  
Pulling themselves out of their dark cave of a mind before they could get too entranced, Alex glanced around. There was a silence between the two of them that seemed to stretch on forever. Man, Alex really was bad at conversing.  
  
“So uh, do you um- do you come here often?” Fuck, why did they say that? It sounded too much like a pickup line and Alex wasn’t trying to pick up anything other than the pieces of their shattered socialization skills.  
  
“No actually, I was passing by and saw this place and thought it looked good. But seeing as I found you here, I might just become a regular.” Jennifer laughed, ignorant to Alex’s embarrassment. What did that mean? Did it even mean anything at all? Damn, Alex really was having a hard time staying out of their spiraling thoughts.  
  
“So what’s good here? That Oreo cheesecake looks delicious, but I’d like your opinion before I try anything.”  
  
“Yeah, it is pretty good.” Okay, talking about food, this they could do.  
  
* * * * *  
  
And talk the two of them did.  
  
They talked about many things, Oreo cheesecake, birds, that weird dude that they could always spot on the corner. But the conversation got considerably more interesting when the sun kissed the sky a beautiful orange hue.  
  
“So how’s the kid?”  
  
“Oh, Eachann? He’s fine; had to leave him with Shawn though. Was out and about all day, and didn’t want to have to wrangle the little rascal while carting around groceries and stuff, y’know?” Alex sagged in their seat. Of course there was a man in Jennifer’s life, someone close enough to take care of her kid.  
  
“Oh- oh yeah, yeah I get that…” Alex trailed off, distracted. What to do, what to do. Alex was curious, all things considered, and maybe a little hurt. Maybe they should ask about this Shawn character, see what they’re up against....  
  
‘Up against?’ What was Alex thinking? It’d not like they were competing with this guy. Who were they to get up in arms about someone else in Jennifer’s life? It doesn’t matter anyway, Alex was a stranger to Jennifer and Eachann, an acquaintance at most, but, why did that fact hit so hard? It’s not like they wanted to get close to them or anything.  
  
“Hey so, you said you had groceries to take care of, right? Want some help with those?”  
  
“Yeah! They’re in the car.” Jennifer gestured passively towards the exit. “And if we want to get them into the apartment before it gets too cold, we should head out soon.”  
  
With a simple nod of agreement, the two of them stood and threw away any trash that they had accumulated while sitting there, and stepped out into the cool air of late autumn. The walk to Jennifer’s old grey Honda Accord was much less awkward than Alex thought it would be. Sure, they walked in silence, but the silence was almost… comfortable, in a way. The wind was calm, just strong enough to rustle the bare trees, and there were few people populating the streets at this hour. The sky was scattered with a few fluffy clouds turned pink in the rays of the setting sun.  
  
This was nice, just walking along, shoulders barely brushing each other, warmth on the back of their hand that they could easily grasp if they just inch a little bit closer…  
  
“There it is! Ol’ reliable.” Jennifer’s voice violently broke Alex from their trance. Wait, did they really just almost…? Oh my god no. No no no no no. Stop that. They’re way too comfortable for their own good.  
  
And what were they even trying to do? Hold her hand? Before marriage? Disgusting.  
  
Alex let out a breathless chuckle at the thought. Well, it’s not like they were gonna get married anyway. They were almost glad; their hands get sweaty when held for too long. Gross, do they even need human affection anyway? … Don’t answer that.  
  
Jennifer swung open the driver side door, glancing over to where Alex stood awkwardly.  
  
“Well c’mon, hop on in!”  
  
And hop in they did. Ducking into the low riding car Alex was not at all surprised at how clean it was kept. Unlike Alex’s old car, there were no papers scattered across the floor of the car, or takeout cups in the cupholders. Jennifer even had a little fresh smelling, uh, tree thingy hanging from the rearview mirror- what were they called again? It doesn’t matter anyway.  
  
When Alex peered into the mirror they could see the mound of plastic bags full of cans and other sorts of food in the back seat. A much smaller bag sat on the top, and what was peaking out caught Alex’s eye.  
  
Poking out of the top of the bag was the head of a small stuffed dog. It was a light brown color with darker ears and a little pink nose. The black beads for eyes seemed to stare right back at Alex. They quickly flicked their eyes away from the plush dog, not wanting to look at those little pinpricks of void any longer.  
  
Air freshener! That’s what they’re called…  
  
* * * * *  
  
The ride was calm between them, with only the soft music coming from the radio keeping things from becoming awkward. Jennifer glanced at the figure in the passenger seat every few seconds as street lamps cast fluttering shadows across the dashboard of the car. Something about this person, something she couldn’t put her finger on, was making Jennifer want to pull over and take their face in her hands and just look.  
  
Seeing Alex like this- elbow propped up on the window, head on their palm, eyes half-lidded and drooping lower by the second- was making Jennifer feel some sort of way. Was it pity, or was something else that drew her to this person? She barely knew Alex, but something in her wanted to get to know them more.  
  
Maybe they could ask to get coffee at that little café again? They looked comfortable there, so maybe they’ll open up a little. Or they could go out for dinner at that really good looking Italian place on Third Street, she’s seen some great reviews of it. Alex looked like the kind to take full advantage of unlimited breadsticks, so maybe that’d be good.  
  
Lost in thought and under the control of muscle memory, the drive seemed to end just as soon as it started as Jennifer pulled into the apartment parking lot. Pulling into the assigned space, she could hear Alex sign deep in their chest. It wasn’t an annoyed sigh though, it was more tired than anything. Maybe Jennifer should have not accepted Alex’s offer and just took them home instead… Well either way they were already here, so might as well get things done.  
  
Now, just to bring everything in and go get Eachann. Maybe they can introduce Alex to Shawn while they’re at it, wouldn’t that be lovely!


	4. Shawn

How in the world could only two people need so many groceries? Well, seeing as one was a growing kid, it sort of made sense, but really? Jennifer stocked up on food like Alex did when they knew they wouldn’t be able to leave their apartment for the next few days- like that time they locked themself in for a good month. It was a miracle that they hadn’t starved to death in the later days, especially with how much they stress ate early on. They guessed it was the fact that they constantly swing wildly between eating their body weight and not eating at all, so it kinda canceled out.  
  
On second thought, maybe that’s why Alex was so fat. They really needed to lose weight, so maybe they should cut back a bit. Mom wouldn’t like that though, she’s always saying how they should eat more- kinda like how Eachann was when they met. What was everyone’s fixation on getting them fatter?  
  
But yeah, groceries. Alex hefted another plastic bag onto their arm, which now weighed heavily as they got as many bags as they could possibly hold. One trip only, Alex liked to say. They let Jennifer grab the smaller bag on top with the stuffed dog, but Alex got most of the bags with canned goods and the gallon of milk she bought.  
  
Heaving all the bags inside the back entrance of the apartment building they made their way towards the elevator. The ride up to Jennifer’s apartment was quiet, broken only by the constant crinkle of plastic and thunk of boxes of pasta noodles hitting each other. This little family really liked their pasta huh? Well, Eachann did say it was his favorite.  
  
The ding of the elevator signified they were on the right floor, and as the doors opened to the hallway- carpeted with that ugly carpet only apartments seemed to find- Jennifer looked at Alex.  
  
“Thank you again for helping me with all these. I was afraid I’d have to make multiple trips, and I didn’t want the ice cream to melt. So yeah, thanks.” She smiled as she led Alex down the hallway to her door.  
  
“Uh, yeah, no problem man.” Alex would have rubbed the back of their head in embarrassment if their arms weren’t currently losing circulation from all the bags on them.  
  
Jennifer unlocked the door and stepped in, placing her armful of bags on the kitchen counter. Following her lead, Alex did as well. Rubbing the red lines that formed on their wrist, they watched as Jennifer began putting the food away. She seemed to have a very particular system of organization, unlike Alex who mostly just shoved this anywhere they could fit- except for the coffee, which was always placed on the second shelf down to the far right. Its specific placement helped Alex get through their weekend ritual when they were half asleep.  
  
“Well, that should do it! Now, let’s go get Eachann, and then I’ll drop you off at your place. While we’re at it I can introduce you to Shawn. I think you’ll like him.” Probably not. Alex didn’t like many people. Well, except for Jennifer and Eachann apparently. And mom, especially mom. But, maybe, if Jennifer wants them to, they can maybe like Shawn- for Jennifer’s sake.  
  
The two of them went back down the elevator and hopped back into the car, and like that, they were off to pick up little Eachann.  
  
The two hopped back into the car, Jennifer smiling at Alex when they gleaned at each other and buckled their belts. Alex’s eyes scanned Jennifer as she turned away to focus on the car. Jennifer’s long coffee color hair was held up by a large tooth hair clip, and her skin seemed to glow in the light of the late evening sun. Her earrings were small golden loops studded with light blue gemstones, and her pretty pink lips were slightly chapped. Alex’s gaze slowly made its way down the column of her neck to her shoulders where they could see the freckles birthmarks peeking out from beneath Jennifer’s red and black jacket. Following the pattern on the fabric down the length of her arm, Alex glanced at her hands which clutched the steering wheel. Every muscle in Alex’s body tensed as they saw it. A beautiful band of gold and blue gems that matched her earrings wrapped around Jennifer’s left ring finger.  
  
Jennifer was married.  
  
Why did they feel their chest start to tighten? Alex should be happy for her! Shawn was probably a very lovely person. Quickly turning their head they focused on anything else but the feeling of jealousy that pooled in the pit of their stomach. Shawn was a lucky guy.  
  
*****  
  
Thoughts swirled as trees flew past the window. The world was a blur outside, just like Alex’s feelings at that moment- fast-moving and indistinguishable from one another. Why did they agree to do this? They should just ask Jennifer to drop them off at their apartment before they get too close to Shawn. But if they did that, what would Jennifer think? Probably that Alex was an indecisive asshole who couldn’t be grateful and just take what they are given. Maybe if they jumped out of the car they could avoid that kind of confrontation.  
  
The sun was setting behind the treeline when the car rolled to a stop in front of a nice, plain house located in the middle of the high living residential area on the west side of town. The houses here were big and uniform, one indistinguishable from the other, with high roofs and big yards. God, Alex would kill to be able to afford one of these, but it’d probably cost all their fingers- which doesn’t sound like it’d be a lot, but losing all their fingers sounds horrible and they’d never wish it on someone else.  
  
Jennifer puts the car in park in front of a house just like the rest and opens the door to get out, and after a moment of hesitation, Alex follows her. The walk side by side up the driveway and to the door. Jennifer turns to Alex with a smile, probably noticing their obvious nervousness.  
  
“Shawn’s a good guy, you’ll like him. He’s also got a dog, a little black poodle; he’s pretty cute too.” Alex hoped for the love of God that Jennifer meant the dog.  
  
Ringing the bell once, Jennifer turned back to the door and as if right on cue, the insistent yapping started, accompanied by the scratch of unclipped nails on hardwood floors. A head of unruly black curls skidded around the corner, and the dog bolted straight to the door, where it jumped up to get a better look at the intruders from the tall side windows. Jennifer lowered herself to be at its level and began babbling to it in that typical way you only ever talk to a baby, or in this case, a dog. Being right behind her as she does this is uh, embarrassing to say the least. Alex quickly darts their eyes anywhere except right in front of them.  
  
It seemed like an eternity passed before someone finally came around to answer the door. Jennifer straightened and they both stepped back as the door swung open with a noisy creak, revealing a tall, pale-skinned man; definitely not Eachann’s dad, so they can check that off the list; step-dad, on the other hand, was still very much an option. If they could just get a good look at his hands…  
  
“Jennifer! Right on time. How was your errand run?” Shawn’s voice was like silk, but his eyes were cold and steely as he smiled at the two. His eyes flickered over Alex for a moment before returning to Jennifer.  
  
“It was excellent Shawn, and you’d never guess who I ran into while I was shopping!” Jennifer sidestepped to reveal Alex in all their unwashed glory. Alex gave a weary smile, but the frown in Shawn’s eyes only grew.  
  
“Shawn, this is Alex, and Alex, this is Shawn.”  
  
“Alex… You mean the one you were going on and on about?” Shawn raised one eyebrow and Jennifer flushed, turning towards him quickly.  
  
“I was not!” she defended.  
  
Wait, was that a good thing or a bad thing? Alex wasn’t sure. Had Jennifer gone off about how pathetic Alex is, or was it something else entirely? They really didn’t like the feeling that was starting to rise in their chest.  
  
“It doesn’t matter anyway, although I can’t see what you were talking about.” That last part was more whispered to himself, but Alex heard the side remark. Well, Alex agreed, but that doesn’t mean some greasy piece of shit could get away with saying it. If this guy was a flavor, he’d be black licorice.  
  
“Now come in, come in. I’ll get the kid.” Shawn turned and disappeared up the stairs right by the door while the two were left to make their way down the adjacent hall and into the dining area. The room was just big enough to fit a wooden table and four chairs around it and was open to the meticulously clean kitchen to the left. On the table sat a half-empty Capri Sun and a small bowl of baby carrots. At least this guy didn’t seem to be poisoning Eachann- Alex would have had to step in if he was. Not that they would have been able to do much. Yeah, Shawn was scrawny enough, but he had height on his side- and the fact that Alex hadn’t been practicing for months but that’s besides the point.  
  
There was a shout from upstairs, followed by a stampede of tiny footsteps as Eachann flew down the stairs, rounded the corner, and launched himself into Jennifer’s arms. She scooped up the boy in her arms and nuzzled into his pale hair with a smile.  
  
“Hey pumpkin! How was your day with Shawn?” She let Eachann down but kept her hands on his shoulders. Eachann opened his mouth to answer, but when his eyes glanced in Alex’s direction his thoughts immediately changed course.  
  
“Alex!” He shouted and broke away from his mother to give Alex a hug as well. Alex was caught so off guard they didn’t even notice Greasy MrGee following in after Eachann. Alex tentatively rested their hands on the kid's back in a loose hug while he clung to their midsection with a giggle.  
  
“Eachann, be respectful. It’s Miss Alex.” Jennifer scolded lightly.  
  
“Miss? I would have for sure guessed mister.” Shawn’s grating voice called from the doorway to the hall. Alex raised an eyebrow at him from over the top of Eachann’s head.  
  
“Shawn, that’s so rude!” Jennifer stepped to his side and swatted Shawn’s shoulder.  
  
“What? You know how it is nowadays- you can never be sure what people want to pretend to be. I was just trying to be polite.”  
  
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Alex narrowed their eyes slightly. Eachann still clung to them, but was now looking up at them with his big chocolate brown eyes in confusion. Shawn waved his hand in a dismissive gesture towards them.  
  
“Oh, don’t tell me you’re one of those snowflakes who think that society should accept them just because they like pretending to be something they’re not.” Oh, so that’s how it is, is it? Alex balled their fist against Eachann’s back. They opened their mouth, ready to rise to the challenge this man was setting, but Jennifer beat them to the punch.  
  
Jennifer grabbed Shawn by the shoulder- not as hard as Alex would have, but not softly either. She got up in Shawn’s face, seeming now much taller than she was a second ago.  
  
“Shawn,” she almost growled his name. “One more word on this matter and I’ll knock your teeth in. You know damn well not to talk about this kind of thing in front of me. You know nothing about what you’re saying, so just shut up.” Oh boy was that the wrong thing to say. Shawn only looked down his nose at Jennifer and scoffed.  
  
“You’re really defending these sort of people? I thought you of all people would know that-” Shawn was cut off by Jennifer’s shout.  
  
“Shawn!” Everyone in the room jumped at the volume. Eachann held onto Alex tighter, not understanding why his mom was so upset.  
  
“Baa?” he asked weakly. Jennifer finally seemed to remember that there were other people in the room with her. She turned to Alex, hand still squeezing Shawn’s shoulder.  
  
“Alex, could you please take Eachann and go wait for me in the car.” Jennifer wasn’t asking, and Alex was more than willing to oblige.  
  
“C’mon kid, let’s go sit in the car.” Alex nodded and steered Eachann down the hall and out the door quickly, and he gave no protest. Alex was relieved to finally be out of that horrid house and away from Grease Ball. Opening the doors, they both got in the back seats. Looks like Alex would have to wait a little while longer before they got to go home.


End file.
